"I got the baby mama drama
Enough to make you want to scream and holla"
As you may already know, I have reentered the dating world in the past few months. Ready to open myself up to the endless possibilities when you take a chance on love. Whether it is a uncovering a deep connection, making a new friend or gaining better insight into what I am searching for, I am enjoying the journey.
After taking a few years off of getting romantically serious with anyone, I have had the opportunity to really figure out what I am looking for in a partner. No longer do I settle for just anybody. Having been around the dating block a few times, I have been really mindful and observant of the men I have gone out with.
Recently, I started communicating with several different potential suitors on the various online dating websites (i.e. Match, OKCupid, POF, eHarmony, etc.) Before I even consider going out with someone, I like to filter out who are the serious contenders. Why waste both our time?
Granted it takes time to really get to know someone, I think you can find out a lot about a person through a simple phone call.
When I am dating, I do not spend endless time wasted on back and forth communication on email or text messaging. I like to get right to it by either telephone conversations and/or meeting up for a first date.
Unlike so many other people, I like to get straight to the questions that matter and then I actually listen to what the person has to say.
If you ask all the right questions, you can know if that person is wrong for you.
It's not as if I am interrogating, but being smart about skillfully interviewing my potential life partner, without them realizing it.
Listen, if you were hiring someone to build a business with you, wouldn't you want to see their resume, make sure they meet your qualifications and be the best possible candidate for the position? Why is it any different than the person you want to build a life with?
Over time I have been revising my list for a life partner, tweaking it here and there, as I gain more experience with dating different men.
Tonight I would like to add "No Baby Mama Drama" to my love list. In the past, many of the men I have dated were divorced with children. Sadly, many of those same men had serious drama with their babies' mamas. Whether it was crazy custody battles or really horrific relationships with their exes, I do everything can to avoid it.
Sorry about that, but I do not want your problem to be my problem one day. That is the reality of getting involved with someone who has really heavy baggage. Eventually, you will be asked to help carry that load.
Are there great people who just happen to have crazy ass exes? Of course there are. I know many wonderful family and friends who unfortunately were married to awful people and still have to raise their children together.
At this point in my life, most of the men my age have been married and have children of their own. I pay very close attention to what they say about their ex wives. Does he describe her as a shrew that doesn't let him see his children? Did you sign over custody, but it all seems sketchy? Maybe he is a really nice guy, but she is bona fide bananas? When he talks about his children, is he respectful and shares he maintains a really good relationship with his ex wife?
Listen very carefully and don't let attraction butterflies distract you from the reality of the situation.
Sadly, far too many blended families have to deal with this never ending drama, which often lead to another broken marriage. Going through a difficult divorce myself has left me more realistic than a hopeless romantic.
If there is any indication of Baby Mama Drama, I make the choice to walk away. Fortunately, I have a really great relationship with my son's father and his stepmother. Despite my history with my ex husband, I am so grateful for him being a really a great dad. Never do I have to worry about a lack of a support for our son.
He is loved by so many people. This is all that matters to me.
I don't have any Baby Daddy Drama, so I want someone who doesn't have Baby Mama Drama. When I meet a single dad who has a similar family arrangement, he is more attractive to me in my eyes.
In fact, I have a date this weekend with another single dad, who is really involved with his children and speaks highly of his ex wife. Now that is sexy as hell to me. An actual grown up, who supports his children, loves their mom and knows how to maintain a healthy relationship for the benefit of his kids.
Drama is juvenile and belongs in middle school, not in relationships with grown ass men and women.
Not all marriages work out, sometimes you cannot control if your ex turns into a raging lunatic, but you can do your best to be honest with what you will accept into your life and relationships.
Sweet Cicily ;) xo